Finding your Passion!

Finding your Passion! <3  

Good evening lovelies.  I just got home and took off my cowboy boots.  No gym today because I'm lazy but also today doesn't even feel like a gym day.  It's a day to chill and do nothing and walk around and possibly feed baby ducks lol. Idk.  Does anyone ever do that?  Where you were suppose to do a certain thing but then that day doesn't even feel like it's meant for that so then you just blow it off? lol  

Anyways, tonight... this blog is written in real time lol.  Tonight, I wanted to talk about finding your passion and my road to finding my passion.  There are people that find their passion very early like within their childhood.  And then there's the people where it takes a lot more time and a few mistakes to find their passion.  That would be me.  I didn't necessarily know this was me in high school nor in early college actually.  In college I wasn't one of those undeclared majors.  I was a music major and definitely had a passion for music at the time.  I wanted to learn everything about it so I became a music major.  Shortly after I discovered this wasn't my passion at all.  Then started the many years of confusion that I actually had no idea I was even going through.  All I noticed was a very sad feeling inside.  All I knew was that I wasn't happy with what I was doing and I didn't know where to go next.  Honestly, I thought it was heartbreak and I was so consumed within those problems and myself that I wasn't even clear to understand that I needed to find my passion in life.  There's a number of things that happened within these years like dropping out of college, working at a liquor store full time, going back to school, leaving again, transferring into a whole new program and school,and a few more jobs later, I still wasn't happy at all.  Then one day it just hit me that I need to earnestly put effort into finding a passion because it just wasn't going to come to me.  I don't think a passion is something that just comes to you like magic in a way.  There has to be effort put into finding it for the people who had trouble already.  I realized that in the same way I put effort into other more practical things like trying to drop a few pounds or learning this or that, I needed to put that same effort into finding my passion in life.  So then I prayed to god about it.  I read articles online about this subject.  I went to the library to look at books on people who don't have a direction in life and how to find one.  One of the books I read was 7 spiritual laws of success I think.  I did a lot of internalizing and kind of like analyzing myself to understand what exactly I love in life.  I asked myself, what is something I would do for free?  What is something I do on a daily basis that I could make into a career somehow?  Basically I did a lot of soul searching while working at a job I kind of hated.  Then one day, it just came to me.  When I say one day it just came to me, I don't really mean that it magically came to me.  It came to me after much soul searching and much time of really thinking about it.  I spent a good 7 years I'd say not knowing what the hell I was doing. And it was god awful lol.  I spent a lot of time being confused.  Then I actually spent some time working through it and that is when it came to me quickly. I wanted to do blogging!!  For the first few years or so, I felt confusion but did nothing about it basically.  I was so consumed within my other problems that I actually had no idea that this was even going on in a very strange way.  I had no idea that not finding my passion yet was something that made me very sad.  I thought it was other problems like financial problems or personal problems.  Then when I started to think about a direction in life, I still wasn't really thinking about it deeply.  I would just think about it daily in the back of my mind and just keep feeling sad and keep asking myself what do I want to do or something and kept coming up with idk and maybe possible things I could do and then I would go on to school or onto my day trying to avoid that thinking because it made me sad.  It made me sad because it was a problem and thinking about the problem and trying to come up with a solution was bothersome.  So (without my knowing) it would come up and I would try to avoid it a lot basically and lean on a lot of distraction like anything like even working on other things (so that way I felt productive), or doing something enjoyable but nothing worked.  At the end of the day or the next day, these feeling would just come back up again.  It kind of felt like this daily battle that I had no idea of how to conquer in some way because at the time I was blind to it. 

When I became very aware of this problem and I was more self focused is when I saw it clearly and started facing the problem head on and working through it.  When I did that, I found my passion!

I hope this helps some of you out there still searching for your passion in life.  Believe me, I know that struggle very well.  The good to it I believe is in some ways, trying to find your passion deepens your character.  For people who just know their passion from the start, they don't have to do the soul searching you will have to do and go through the struggles you are going through right now.  I hope this article brings hope and light to you and good luck with finding your passion!  

xoxo T

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