gym diarys

Ok. So as I'm typing it's about 6pm and i just got to the gym,put my stuff in the locker and am on the bike. It's not a high seated bike so it makes it easier to type this.I'm using the blogger app also which i never use to write my blogs. I just use it to check up on things from my phone. It's kind of weird to type like this but oh well lol. I want to type! You know when you want to talk about something and you dont want to wait? I've learned that I cant wait because when I do, i loose all the steam for talking about it later and then its pointless.So I kind of need to do and say things as they come.

annnyways..  So yeah, It's been about 3 weeks or close to it that I've been coming to the gym (or so it feels. i need to double check) and i actually love it!  never thought i would love the gym honestly.Lets hope this love lasts. i wish i had the exact number of days to tell. I dont have my calendar with me. I keep a little calendar in my room to keep track of things. I give myself a heart for everytime I go. So I need to count up the heartsto see exactly how many days its been. I'll probably post it on twitter. something like 20 days. or something for those who care lol. But i give myself a pat on the back anyhow because I'm proud of myself. 

I want to say.. for those who are thinking to do it but are waiting on something, dont wait any longer! When you want something, you have to start now! Dont wait till monday, start now! like tonight! or tomm! If your waiting for gym buddys or to buy new work out outfits or whatever it is, stop and go now!  Now is the time! I would love new work out clothes and all that stuff and it would motivate me more but I'm not gonna wait till I can afford to buy all that stuff. I'm gonna go now. As I'm typing I'm in some ugly ass basketball shorts and an ugly shirt and I do not care! lol Honestly, I'm the type where if Im really determined and lets say, i couldnt afford a lock to lock my stuff, I would just lock it in my trunk and keep it moving lol. aint no body got time.  I say all this to say today is the day! Cease it! 

xoxo T  <3 

Finding your Passion!

Finding your Passion! <3  

Good evening lovelies.  I just got home and took off my cowboy boots.  No gym today because I'm lazy but also today doesn't even feel like a gym day.  It's a day to chill and do nothing and walk around and possibly feed baby ducks lol. Idk.  Does anyone ever do that?  Where you were suppose to do a certain thing but then that day doesn't even feel like it's meant for that so then you just blow it off? lol  

Anyways, tonight... this blog is written in real time lol.  Tonight, I wanted to talk about finding your passion and my road to finding my passion.  There are people that find their passion very early like within their childhood.  And then there's the people where it takes a lot more time and a few mistakes to find their passion.  That would be me.  I didn't necessarily know this was me in high school nor in early college actually.  In college I wasn't one of those undeclared majors.  I was a music major and definitely had a passion for music at the time.  I wanted to learn everything about it so I became a music major.  Shortly after I discovered this wasn't my passion at all.  Then started the many years of confusion that I actually had no idea I was even going through.  All I noticed was a very sad feeling inside.  All I knew was that I wasn't happy with what I was doing and I didn't know where to go next.  Honestly, I thought it was heartbreak and I was so consumed within those problems and myself that I wasn't even clear to understand that I needed to find my passion in life.  There's a number of things that happened within these years like dropping out of college, working at a liquor store full time, going back to school, leaving again, transferring into a whole new program and school,and a few more jobs later, I still wasn't happy at all.  Then one day it just hit me that I need to earnestly put effort into finding a passion because it just wasn't going to come to me.  I don't think a passion is something that just comes to you like magic in a way.  There has to be effort put into finding it for the people who had trouble already.  I realized that in the same way I put effort into other more practical things like trying to drop a few pounds or learning this or that, I needed to put that same effort into finding my passion in life.  So then I prayed to god about it.  I read articles online about this subject.  I went to the library to look at books on people who don't have a direction in life and how to find one.  One of the books I read was 7 spiritual laws of success I think.  I did a lot of internalizing and kind of like analyzing myself to understand what exactly I love in life.  I asked myself, what is something I would do for free?  What is something I do on a daily basis that I could make into a career somehow?  Basically I did a lot of soul searching while working at a job I kind of hated.  Then one day, it just came to me.  When I say one day it just came to me, I don't really mean that it magically came to me.  It came to me after much soul searching and much time of really thinking about it.  I spent a good 7 years I'd say not knowing what the hell I was doing. And it was god awful lol.  I spent a lot of time being confused.  Then I actually spent some time working through it and that is when it came to me quickly. I wanted to do blogging!!  For the first few years or so, I felt confusion but did nothing about it basically.  I was so consumed within my other problems that I actually had no idea that this was even going on in a very strange way.  I had no idea that not finding my passion yet was something that made me very sad.  I thought it was other problems like financial problems or personal problems.  Then when I started to think about a direction in life, I still wasn't really thinking about it deeply.  I would just think about it daily in the back of my mind and just keep feeling sad and keep asking myself what do I want to do or something and kept coming up with idk and maybe possible things I could do and then I would go on to school or onto my day trying to avoid that thinking because it made me sad.  It made me sad because it was a problem and thinking about the problem and trying to come up with a solution was bothersome.  So (without my knowing) it would come up and I would try to avoid it a lot basically and lean on a lot of distraction like anything like even working on other things (so that way I felt productive), or doing something enjoyable but nothing worked.  At the end of the day or the next day, these feeling would just come back up again.  It kind of felt like this daily battle that I had no idea of how to conquer in some way because at the time I was blind to it. 

When I became very aware of this problem and I was more self focused is when I saw it clearly and started facing the problem head on and working through it.  When I did that, I found my passion!

I hope this helps some of you out there still searching for your passion in life.  Believe me, I know that struggle very well.  The good to it I believe is in some ways, trying to find your passion deepens your character.  For people who just know their passion from the start, they don't have to do the soul searching you will have to do and go through the struggles you are going through right now.  I hope this article brings hope and light to you and good luck with finding your passion!  

xoxo T

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How to be Happy

How to be Happy

I have been asked how am I so happy all the time or people comment on my happiness and tell me they always see me smiling and that it's beautiful.  It was a long road to being happy.  I wouldn't even say I'm a role model for happiness but I am a happy girl and I know it.  I also know I'm truly happy because it relies on absolutely nothing.  Do you want to know how to be happy too?  and know all my secrets? lol then read below!! <333333

Before I get into the steps, I think I should mention that I am not a rich girl, I am not in love, I am not skinny and I am not a lot of the so called things that make you happy.

Happy Tips =)  

1) Know that being happy is attractive - Being happy is attractive and so you guessed it, being unhappy is not attractive.Probably the most sexiest thing to be even before confident is happy.  It is the most beautiful thing to be happy and it is even more beautiful to be happy and content with your life even when you are lacking.  A smile is the most beautiful thing a woman can wear as I always say. =)

2) Know that anyone who is happy now is the person who has went through the most pain usually. - It's just the truth. Regardless of the visual problems you see or what they've told you.  None of those things matter.  If they are happy now, they have probably been through a lot of pain in their past.  That is not just a popular quote.  That is real life.  Everyone in their life goes through a certain depression and a certain amount of things before they realize that happiness is up to them and NOT their circumstances. 

3) *very important one*  Work through your problems!  I've read and heard before that affirmations don't really work.  I don't agree with that necessarily but I do agree that people need to actually work through their problems.  They can't just tell themselves they don't exist.  What many do is go to distraction after distraction which is why they feel a feeling of unhappiness but then don't know why.  They just know that they are unhappy.  A big reason people are unhappy is because they have deep rooted issues they never ever worked through and it unconsciously bothers them every single day.  It's usually a number of issues and not just one thing too.  You need to have quite time and time to yourself.  This doesn't necessarily mean being single.  You can work on yourself and through your issues while in your relationship.  Single is ideal though because you have a complete time to be to yourself and focus on only you.  This actually makes a big difference to having clarity and doing REAL soul searching.  Do deep soul searching and work through the pain.  Have time alone for clarity.  Push through the pain and don't lean on distractions.  That is the biggest thing that can stop you from solving your problems or having character growth.  The good news is you don't even have to solve your problems to feel happiness.  All you have to do is start and you will start feeling good feelings.  Its kind of like going to the gym.  As soon as you start going to the gym, don't you feel better and confident?  Even with zero results?  This works the exact same way.

4)  Happiness is a choice.  - I know many won't get this one but this is one of the biggest secrets to happiness.  I know when I went through depression, hearing this wouldnt even make sense to me but it's true.  Happiness is a choice.  It's deciding that I WILL be happy today no matter what.  I WILL be happy regardless of my financial crisis.  I WILL be happy regardless if I am in a happy relationship or not.  I WILL be happy regardless if I am not at the place I want to be in life right now.  You start realizing that all you really have is now and you aren't guaranteed tomm.  I think many are obviously aware of this but once that is truly ingrained in you, you wouldn't want to waist even one day or even one minute!  That's why older people wake up so early.  They don't want to waist one minute of their day.  It's also why they don't sweat the small stuff.  They don't want to waist even one second of their day being worried about little things.  Young people like myself wake up in the afternoon if they don't have obligations and worry about every little thing just because time is on our side but really you don't know if time is on your side or not!

5) Gratitude - This is another big secret to happiness.  Having gratitude for the things you DO have.  Most of us are blessed beyond our wildest dreams but we are just so use to our blessings that we can't see them anymore.  We let the problems of our lives over shadow the millions of little things that did go right today.  The way you can start being filled with gratitude is to look around yourself and notice all of the very little things you have and let yourself feel a tremendous appreciation for them because you are lucky and because your things are beautiful.  Be thankful for the phone you have in your hand to read this.  Be thankful that you can read.  Be thankful you are alive today.  The little things.  Be thankful that you are beautiful.  If you are a girl reading this right now, more than likely you are beautiful so let yourself feel beautiful and feel grateful for being able to feel that feeling and it can go on and on honestly.  If you do this for even 15 minutes or so, you will feel a tremendous happiness inside you.  I'm even feeling happier for coming up with just those few examples.  It really works like magic.

At the end, know that true happiness isn't circumstantial which means true happiness doesn't come when everything in your life is going good. For those that think this, life will never be perfect.  If you know life will never be perfect like a fairy tale, also know life won't be good necessarily either.  There will always be something.  I promise you.  You have to make life good and worth living NOW because if you don't, it won't be and it never will be good.  And this cannot depend on your finances right now and it can't depend on a man.  I'm sorry.  These are just facts.  A lot of times we learn these lessons when we loose everything.

I hope this article helps someone out there.  I'm sure it will.  And two articles in one day?!! whaaat!!! I'm on a role right now! lol 

Happy Tuesday Evening.  Remember

*choose happy =)* 

xoxo T

**NEW article every Saturday!!!**

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Are Dreams/Nightmares real??

Are Dreams/Nightmares real??

Are dreams real?  Are nightmares real?  Better yet, are thoughts real when you believe them to be true regardless if they actually are or not?  

Last night I had a nightmare.  It was a horrible nightmare that I won't get into because I don't even remember it in detail.  It's funny.  I don't remember a lot of it but I just remember how  horrible it "felt" and also how REAL it felt.  That makes sense because I've heard we don't remember things necessarily but we remember the way we feel.

  

Anyways it got me to thinking if things are real if they felt real to us.  Like if I had a dream that i was walking the edge of a cliff that was very high and I was trying to keep my balance, did I really experience that to a degree?

I remember a long time ago when I lost my dog.  I wrote about it in my valentines day post.  If you didn't read it, don't worry, I found him and none of this actually happened.   But when I was searching for him in the street, I found a dead animal flattened to the ground that looked exactly like him with the same color collar/fur and everything.  I saw it from a distance.  A big thing I was afraid of was that he could get hit by a car because hes so small.  When I saw that from a distance, I remember feeling like for sure that was my dog.  I was almost 100% sure of it and because of that, in seconds I already started feeling like I lost my dog.  I remember feeling my body reacting to it.  My heart stopped literally.  I started feeling tears in the back of my eyes.  My eyes got really big.  I didn't even notice to care I was standing in the middle of the street and for that short period, that was my reality if that makes sense.  That happened to me.  When I was able to get closer and realize it WASN'T actually my dog, this HUGE sense of relief came over me. It felt like this whole chemical thing I went through.  After all, the things themselves aren't even things by themselves.  Its the way it makes us feel you know?  So it made me wonder are all the things we feel and all the things we think and all the dreams we dream a reality in it's own way.  I think to a certain extent that they are.  If I had a dream that I was walking naked in the street and everyone saw me and then I went and did that in real life, I honestly think it would feel like a second experience in a way. 

This is kind of just a random rambling.  I literally woke up and turned on the computer and just started writing.  By the way, I wrote a fantastic blog last night that was soo long and blogger erased it...... >=[  what the heck blogger??  I tweeted that to them too.  It's annoying because that is the second time that happened to me.  I will save and save and then it won't save...  It makes me nervous that  it will even just erase what I'm typing now so I'm paranoid to post in a way.  I need to make sure I contact them about that but I will rewrite that post for sure!  I just wanted to write was I was feeling this morning before I start my day.

Anyways.  Happy Tuesday morning.  I hope it is happy and productive for you!

xoxo T

             **NEW article every Saturday**               

UPDATES blog!!!

UPDATES Blog!!! <3

Hey Everyone!!!  Today is gonna be an updates blog on just a few little changes with trixieluxx & with me!

I feel like my blog has kind of been all over the place in the past few weeks.  After a lot of time and consideration, I've decided to put a little bit of a hold on the book club. =[ I just feel right now isn't really the best time for it so it's not banished into non existence but rather just put on the back burner for the time being. =]  I did write a recent book review though before I put it to the back burner called curvy and loving it which I love!  It's a book on unconditional love for yourself basically.  If you want to check it out, It's the post right before this one.  Also, I got a gym membership! lol.  For those whose read my article about dress shopping and going up some sizes, you know what I'm talking about already lol. I haven't been to the gym in a very long time.  Like maybe some years..  I've been the type to just do healthy things on my own and I train at my dojo or I create a ghetto style gym at my house with can weights etc.. lol  But lately I've been feeling that I wanted to go back so now I am and I really like it!  There is soo much new equipment and things they have.  Its kinda crazy really.  Like things I never heard of.  I'm trying to learn a comfortable balance for myself at the moment so we'll see how that goes.  Uum.. yes.  Also, after much consideration, I've decided to go ahead and make this somewhat of a lifestyle blog also.  It kind of already is in some ways.  I think this way, I can just write about whatever I feel like writing about without having to box myself in.  So basically there will be more variety on here I guess.  Variety and Fun! lol.  Yes. My life is so exciting.  Also, no more monthly countdown kind of blogs.  If you noticed, they've stopped already.  I'll just do that on my twitter from now on.  I feel a good change coming or trixieluxx!!..  This is month 7 of being a blogger also! wow.. Time just flys. Seriously.  It's past the half year mark already.  I definitely have to have a celebration at the actual year mark.  And I think that's all the updates.  I will be writing a body confidence article or two to look out for or something about beauty standards and what real beauty is like I touched on in my book review.  So look out for those! and Happy Saturday!!! 

xoxo T 

New Article Every Saturday <3

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Curvy and Loving it Book Review!!!!

Curvy and Loving it Book Review!!!!

So I ordered the book curvy and loving it and read it cover to cover in like the span of two days!  I love this book!  The best way to describe this book is it's a book that makes you feel love and acceptance of yourself but not by societies standards.. and not even by your own standards.  It's a book about having a 'unconditional' kind of love for yourself.  I do think that many people love themselves but not many love themselves unconditionally.  I've always been a thicker girl and recently have put a little more on due to life stresses etc and this was just a really really good book to read right now in my life.  I love how it preaches to love yourself for today!  True happiness comes from loving yourself right at this moment.  Not when life is better and when your in better shape.  Not when you have more muscle mass or when you trimmed down some or are up in life financially or anything.  I think it's an important message to young girls and even just women in general because you could be waiting a few months but you also could potentially be waiting forever.. And the more you live life,  the more it feels like, I can't even wait one more second!  And if I can't even wait one more second, I sure as hell can't wait some months! heck no!

This book has inspired me to write a few articles on this subject also because I'm just feeling it and feel inspired =) 
I won't do chapter by chapter stuff so no spoilers here.  Just know it's a fantastic book and you will feel a love for yourself that was stronger than before you read the book.  You can never get enough of self love. <3 

I just want to leave young girls with this message regarding beauty standards.  

The beauty standard is bullshit! Not only that, it's ever changing so there is no pleasing it.  If you look at the beauty standard just even a decade ago it was so different.  If you look at the beauty standard in a different country, it's not even the same.  In Africa, voluptuous women are pretty but also preferred.  When I asked someone why from here they told me it was because that kind of woman has everything she needs and can afford to eat well and take care of herself.  In Africa, THAT is a sign of beauty.  I suppose in places where there is a lack, the beauty would obviously be someone without lack while here in Los Angeles that isn't the case.  Here in L.A where we live in abundance so to speak (regardless if the U.S is in dept or not)  beauty becomes something different because of it.  Now beauty becomes self control so if your a voluptuous women here, it means out of control and not able to control herself rather than I have means to take care of myself which is funny. And that's just one example.  But it shows that beauty isn't really a visual thing.  It's what we think these visual things "mean". But I will tell you what real beauty is.  Real beauty is Happiness. Real beauty is Wisdom.  Real beauty is a Love for God.    Real beauty is a smile.  A smile is the most beautiful thing a woman can wear.. 

I definitely will write more articles on this subject because I feel so inspired to put this out into the world =) 

Happy Thursday Night everyone! 

xoxo T 

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