Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Random Bloggity Blog





Random Bloggity Blog..
(Battle of the bulge)

 So last week and during this weekend I went dress shopping for a very special dress and it was a slap in the face kind of experience.  But let me explain.. I think I have to do a back story kind of thing before I just get into this story.  

So pretty much, I've always been kind of a chubby girl.  On the facts about Trixie, one of the facts was I'm 180 and 5'7 in height.  I wouldn't say I'm fat but chubby yes lol.  Hefty if you will.  Ever since puberty, I've always had a little extra weight on.  But also, I hold my weight very well I think.  Anyhow, due to recent stressful events in life that I won't get into in detail, I've put on some MORE recently and it's soo annoying!  I've also been breaking out in a strange way.  I will say.. I'm not the type to care about a bikini ready body and abs and this and that, it's just not me but I do care about my health and also weight as far as being at a weight that I personally am comfortable with being at is concerned.  I wouldn't mind being a curvy girl but there is just a certain size I'm personally comfortable at if that makes sense.  I've never talked about my weight issues on a public scale like this and I mostly don't even talk about it in my personal life either because I guess on a day to day, it's just not something I think about in some ways.  I just try to be healthy as best I can and try and have an active lifestyle and that's it.   But lately, that hasn't been cutting it or actually, that hasn't been cutting it for awhile lol and recently it REALLY hasn't been cutting it and I know I need to make changes.  I don't know.  When I think about my lifestyle, I don't feel like it's the worst but I mean I don't know.  For the past two to three years I been training for a couple times throughout the week which is said to be healthy when you do something 2 to 3 times a week. At first it was 2 and then I pushed it up to 3 and that went on for about a year maybe and now I'm back down to 2 times a week.  I don't ever have soda or even juice in my home.  I don't eat things that are the basic chunk foods like candy,chips,donuts,burgers, not even sandwiches or any of that stuff.  I rarely have fast food and mostly eat home things like curry which is basically meat and vegetables.  I also cut out eating at night because that was a really big thing.  I kind of love eating at night but I know how bad it is for you.  That's like the worst habit and I'm not just saying that because it's said to be the worst habit.  I say it because I know it from personal experience.  You wake up feeling awful and just nasty.  I even cut out rice! =((( and I love rice! My sensei never eats rice or bread or anything with his curry because he's a health freak so I started doing the same in hopes that it would help me and so far nothing.. except I do at least feel much better when I don't have those things which has kept me doing it.  I guess it just doesn't agree with me. But anyways It feels like, what more can I take out?? It couldn't get anymore bland than that.. honestly.. so annoying!  Everyones body is truly different and I still haven't managed to find a right balance for myself in that department.  That's the one thing in life where I've never really had a hold of it. Also.. 

I've come to a recent mini revelation in my life and that is I love food! lol I love eating and that's that.  I also come to terms with the fact that I'll probably never be skinny.  It's just not in my deck of cards.  You can't love food and be skinny I think. lol Those two just don't go together.  I was telling my friend the other night, I'd rather be chubby and happy than skinny.  Fuck the bullshyt! lol.  Food is just too good. I guess I can't control myself.  That's nothing to be ashamed of either.  Some people just love food.  But also I feel the need to say that just because that may be the case, it doesn't mean I won't feel beautiful and dress up and glam up and take pictures of myself and love myself just because I put on extra weight or just am a chubby girl.  I still bought a beautiful for myself which brings me back to the original starting point of this blog that I forgot about because I was rambling so much lol.  I went dress shopping with my mom and literally nothing fit! >=(((  We went to soo many stores.  I think it took like 5 hours in total.  It was so sad.  No dresses fit.  I went to my favorite glitzy store and I got like two dresses to go to the dressing room and the lady was like " Oh. no no no. ( she was an Asian lady) These no fit you. I get you different size.ok?"  Not in a nasty tone.  She was very nice and helpful but still. I was like. oh ok. sure.  So she got me the same dresses like 3 whole sizes up! &... it fit like a glove! I just felt like wtf! wtf is going on here! My mouth was literally open. I'm breaking out.  I'm fitting dresses that are 3 sizes up, not 1 size, 3 sizes bigger. And when I got some heels to go with it.  I went a size up in that too! =((( For those that don't know.. you can also gain weight in your feet.  And I guess I did because no heels were fitting in my normal size.

This isn't the end of the world.  This is really a first world problem but at the same time I know many girls or just people who would feel like the world is caving because they gained or lost muscle mass to that degree.  I was pretty sad that day though.  It felt like a little reality check I guess. But back to my habits..  I don't even really have a bad lifestyle.  I just don't know.  I'm not the type to be consumed by things like this too.  I don't want to go on some rigorous thing that feels like consuming and work out a consuming amount of hours per day feeling like I'm gonna have a heart attack and like think about everything I eat. I will NOT count calories lol. That is just so ridiculous to me. O me. The life I live.  I just don't know... 

But I won't just be like oh well either.  I need to find a solution for myself.  I forgot to mention that within that time span of 3 years, I was training everyday for like a month of it and then working out myself for like two months and in that time I remember like loosing 2 pounds or something.  I was proud of myself but it was like damn..  That' s it? lol Needless to say, I quit after that because the results were just too little for how much I was doing.  At that time, I created work outs for myself at home which was cool for awhile but after time got annoying.  There's only so much space you have and so much equipment and yada ya so I was just over it basically.  But I've decided to look into getting a gym membership.  Basically that all led up to me deciding that that's probably what I'll do next and also keep training at the dojo like I've been doing and hopefully that works.  I wanna try for a month and see how it goes.  Maybe I'll do an update too.  I like to do that to hold myself accountable.  I would like to go everyday because It feels like that's what I would need honestly.  So yes.  I feel good about this decision.  And we will see how it goes! ^_^ 

xoxo T



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